It's been nearly 3 months since you left this earth. There is hardly a moment that passes that I don't miss you. It's not getting any easier living without you. It's so strange to me how life goes on, even though logically I know that is the way of the world. People have their stuff, but sometimes it seems somewhat meaningless to me. Probably because I'm almost convinced that there is a real hole in my heart and the pain I feel must be it trying to heal itself. My heart physically hurts, like someone is squeezing it all of the time. I feel lost and I constantly feel like I am forgetting something. Because something[one] is missing and I can't get it[you] back no matter how bad I want to. I am struggling with the sorrow and guilt of not being able to say goodbye to you. I just need to tell you how sorry I am that I wasn't there. I have to believe that Jesus was with you, you did have a smile on your face! But if there was a moment where you were scared and wondering where your mom was, I am so sorry my son. That scares me to think about. The other day I was busy in the kitchen and I sensed you near me. Was it you? Do you know how much I adore you? In heaven can you see and know that you are still the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing on my mind before I fall asleep?
You were brave and beautiful. You were heroic and you are missed in more ways than I can even try to express.
Forever your mommy
xoxoxoxo
2 comments:
Andrea, thank you for sharing your innermost thoughts, so raw and deep. I wish there was something I could do or say that could ease your pain even just a little bit. Thank you for sharing with me at School the other day. I will never forget our conversation, and I love what your friend told you about grief. I pray for you and your family every day, please let me know if there is ever anything I can do for you.
Thinking of you guys as always. Please know that I am always around for a listening ear. I wish I could make the pain go away but just remember that Matt is always looking down on his family and living the life that he didn't get to do on earth. He will be so proud to show you guys what he can do on the day that you meet again. xoxo
Post a Comment