Yesterday was my kids last day of school. As I said good-bye to one of my son's retiring teacher's she said this to me "I want you to know that you have a really happy boy, he is very joyful." She knows my concerns for my kids little hearts this year, how I've wondered how much they hurt from losing a brother so young. She knows I wonder even if they fully understand how to process it all and their feelings that go with it. So when she said this to me it meant a great deal. But then she followed it with this, "You have 2 very happy boys actually."
It made me think, isn't our children's happiness and well being what is most important to us as parents? We hurt when they hurt, we cry when they make poor choices, we get discouraged when they disobey. But never because we want it for us, we want it for them. Happiness, comfort and most importantly a desire to know God. And my two sweet boys (and daughter) have all those things. But ultimately, Matthew is as happy, comfortable and close to Jesus as will ever be possible. And I am happy too, that I can know that. So my sadness for that boy is just for me. My heartache is just in the length of time until I will see his smile again or feel his hugs. Nearly 11 months has not taken that pain away, I am learning to cope with it better but missing him is just as strong. As his mom, however, I must rejoice in his ultimate peace and comfort and focus on the fact that I will be with him again. That is a beautiful gift of peace.